You Can Close The Book On Brown...Thank God

It’s pretty fitting that my first upbeat blog-post is a reaction to the removal of Mike Brown—the very person whose incompetence motivated me to start this thing.  Let’s just say I had a bounce to my step coming home from work today because there is no better way to kick off a weekend then Mike Brown getting the ax.  I was pretty much sprint-dancing my way to the subway listening to Stevie Wonder because I was so into the fact that this guy got relieved of his duties.  I know that sounds harsh, but his loss is my gain.  Thanks to this, I finally know the giddiness and unrivaled excitement non-Jewish children feel when they wake up on Christmas morning.

So…the Mike Brown era...We should have known this marriage between Brown and the gold-standard Laker franchise was cursed when the guy immediately hired John Kuester as his top assistant.  John Kuester?  Seriously?  Forget Kuester’s basketball merits or his background.  Bottom line is you aren’t winning with the likes of a mediocre and recycled John Kuester sitting on your bench.  It know it seems like a minute detail, but it speaks volumes.  The guy reeks of “lame-duck” and is about as non-Laker basketball as I can possibly think of.  Put it this way.  Kuester is pretty much the NBA’s answer to Mike Mularkey.  Brown followed that up with the hiring of Quinn Snyder and all of the sudden our bench looked very Toronto Raptorish while our roster still boasted championship potential.   I just didn’t get it.  It was like MJ wearing #45 or Emmitt Smith on the Cardinals.  Something just seemed totally off.   Add the lockout weirdness and it was like Bizarro Laker Land….almost like the off-shoot 1985 from Back to the Future 2.  It just wasn’t right.  I can’t really explain it beyond that.

Well…that last paragraph was just me nit-picking at random little stuff that I believe goes a long way and carries influence.  Now to some actual non-Danny Silverish things we’d all agree upon.  I learned in Leadership Class 101 (also known as what we call common sense) that when a leader has a group of followers who are unaccomplished novices or simply “not ready” is the ideal time for a leader to step-in, put his stamp on things, heavily involve themselves in the process and clearly guide the tasks at hand (see:  overachieving Jerry Sloan Utah squads, early Belicheck New England years, classic John Beilein cinderella NCAA teams).  Conversely, when a leader has a group of accomplished followers, familiar with success and simply primed to get it done is when the leader should do his best to stay the f-ck out and not mess things up (see:  Phil Jackson, John Calipari, Joe Torre).  Well guys…Mike Brown blew this one.  Kobe, Pau, Nash, Dwight, Metta….there is no room there for an unspectacular Mike Brown of all people to be the strongest influence.  With a roster primed for major success with only some minor laissez faire tinkering needed, he tried to re-create the wheel and put his stamp on this thing.  That’s what you’d like to call poor judgment….or better yet…what you would call a jaded sense of self-importance…or even better yet…one over thinking to the point they lose control.  Just simply a bad match all the way around.

And on top of all of that…I hated this guy’s voice!  His whole elongated pronunciation thing he has going on was not only non-Lakerlike but also down right annoying.  You know the whole “Weeelll….agaaaaiiinnn….on the deefeeensssiiiive eeeennnnd of the floooor we didn’t giiivee the multiple eeeefffooorttts….but ahhhhttt the eeeennnnddd offfff the daaaayyyy…..iiiitttss aaahhh prooocccessss….aaannnd I liiiikkke wheeeerrreee weeeee’rrree heeeaaadddeeed.”   Guess what dude.  It is the end of your day and you’re headed to NBA Coaching Purgatory. Ugh.  Imagine getting drummed by Utah in Salt Lake and having to go back to the locker room and listen to that guy.

So let’s quickly look forward to what can shake out in the wake of this totally justified firing.  Here are my shotgun thoughts on some of the names that have been thrown out there (both by legitimate sources and by my friends) in the first hours since Brown was shown the door:

• Phil Jackson:  This would be too good to be true.  He is like getting a cheat code on a video game.  This roster—super talented, super old and super unathletic—is perfect for the Zen Master.  I’d sign for it right now.
• Jerry Sloan:  I love the guy.  I think he is a great coach.  However, his grind it out/blue-collar mentality just isn’t a fit for this roster or that city.  Nonetheless, if we hire him I can convince myself it was a good hire.
• Brian Shaw:  I don’t think he has a shot at the job, but I know the players would love him.  However, someone without Head Coaching experience is not the right fit at this point.
• Mike D’Antoni:  For the love of God….please NO!  Living in NYC and all of my friends being Knick fans, I don’t think I could handle it.  For my sake this is the worst possible hire.  For the Lakers sake it is only slightly better.  His system would not be great for this aging squad.  Laker brass, for my sake please doesn’t make me defend this decision!!!
• Nate McMillan:  While I like him better than Mike Brown, there is too much of a Mike Brown-ish/unproven/lame-duck/recycled coach quality that I just can’t agree with.  This would be interesting but ultimately a mistake.  No way he is raising the Larry O’Brien in June.  He got fired and replaced by Caleb Canales and ultimately Terry Stotts.  Enough said.

Well folks…you can close the book on Mike Brown.  What did we learn from his stint?  For starters, I share a brain with Mitch Kupchack whose press-conference quotes echoed many of my own (http://www.nba.com/lakers/features/121109kupchak-coaching-change).  Secondly, you can never hire a guy who looks like he has constant sleep apnea.  Thirdly, never ever dismiss the value of what you see in preseason.  Lastly, Kobe can have someone fired by merely staring at them (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJUhMvB1P3A).

I never thought I’d say this, but I am ecstatic to see BERNIE BICKERSTAFF pacing the sidelines tonight guiding the Purple and Gold.  Yup.  I just typed that.

The Butter’s Getting’ Hard,

Sean Rooks