Tag Team Chumps

After a month filled with holidays, hope, vacation, winning streaks, losing streaks, encouraging moments, utter frustration and me absolutely freaking out about this team, I am finally back to the blog.  Unfortunately, however, the Lakers (15-16) are right where I left them.  They are still underachieving, still agonizing to watch, still under .500 and still out of the top 8 in the Western Conference.  They still play with no urgency.  They still seem to have no clue as to where they are currently sitting in the standings.  They still seem to be victimized by the same annoying trends night in and night out.  There are no two ways about it...It's been an absolute train wreck of a season.  An absolute embarrassment.  An absolute perfect sports nightmare.  And I'm really struggling to endure it.

You don't have to look too far to figure it out.  To me, the chief culprit has to be the combination of Dwight "The Textbook Primadonna" Howard and Pau "I have to be the most overrated player in the NBA even though I'm a good guy" Gasol.  Before I get into how bad this built-for-2008 frontcourt combination has been, let's set it up by taking a quick look at how other key players have pulled their weight.

Kobe's Benjamin Button act has been nothing short of spectacular.  The dude is in his 17th season and still plays 40+ minutes a night including entire second halves on a routine basis.  Meanwhile, he's leading the league in scoring and shooting almost 48%!  This type of production from a 34-year old is unprecedented in the 67 year history of the league....So I guess we can all agree that Kobe has done his job. (Side note:  I know Kobe's success has been, to some extent, at the expense of some of his teammates.  His greatness is different from Magic's or Lebron's in that he doesn't "make guys better" beyond giving them space to operate.  Maybe his greatness doesn't motivate his teammates the way other stars do.  However, this performance has been inspiring and not the reason the Lakers are under .500).

Metta World Peace has had a renaissance of sorts.  Despite being unable to dribble a basketball on a fast break even though he is an NBA perimeter player making about $7 million, he's been everything a Laker fan can ask for.  He's in great shape, shooting the ball extremely well and playing defense that somewhat resembles Indiana Ron Artest.  He's been good as a starter, good as a 6th man and has been able to play at different positions while being asked to do different things on the floor.  In a nutshell, this guy has stepped up his game and has answered the bell.

In a small sample size, Nash has at least resembled what Laker fans expected.  He's been a knock down shooter, an assist machine and has made the game easier for everyone on offense.  At times, he's been "the reason why I play the game."  On defense...well...he's been just like every Laker PG in recent memory.  He's been an absolute punching bag and complete liability. But that is not why the organization is paying him so I can at least live with it. (Side note:  PGs of all shapes, sizes, ages and ability levels have been torching the Lakers for 20+ years.  Can this please stop!?).

The bench--a downright embarrassing punchline a season ago and much maligned going into this year--has actually been a plus.  Most experts thought this would be the Lakers achilles heel and what eventually did them in.  Well, they were wrong.  Meeks and Hill have been very effective doing their thing.  Meeks has been a reliable scorer and defender for extended minutes while Hill has been a hustling madman   Darius Morris--although he is absolutely unable to lead a successful fastbreak even though he is an NBA PG--has had some decent moments.  Chris Duhon as been adequate despite getting three times more burn in the first 31 games of the year than we'd thought he'd get all season.  Even Jamison had some monster games before being relegated to bench warmer status and confirming my "Laker Mitch Richmond/Knicks Glenn Rice reincarnated" prediction.

So...do the math...add it up.  Kobe, MWP, Nash and the bench have all met or exceeded expectations.  So how is this team possibly 15-16?...Because of the most overrated combination of "stars" in the league--Pau Gasol and Dwight Howard--the Tag Team Chumps.  Yeah, that same duo that combined for 3 FGs--3 FGs!--against the Sixers the other night....WHO HAVE NO LEGIT CENTER!!!!!!  This combo of allegedly good players has been absolutely dishearteningly brutal.

Let's start with Pau:  I love the guy, but he has to be the most screwed-up-in-the-head, least confident dude making $19 million in the country right now.  If anyone challenges him at all physically, his likelihood of success goes down drastically...to like almost 0%.  I can't even remember the last time he truly scored over or through anyone.  When he had that dunk on Christmas vs. the Knicks the guys congratulated him on the bench like he was the kid on the Parks n' Rec team that was the last one to score a basket on the season.  That's how pathetic his act has become.  It has gotten that bad.  My heart breaks for him, but he is not even close to an upper-echelon player right now.  He had an uncontested fastbreak 1 on 0 dunk opportunity vs. Philly the other night and it literally took 3 full seconds and every bit of strength that he had to get that ball over the rim.  His moxie has been completely removed to say the least.  The Kenneth Farieds and Carl Landrys of the world have been embarrassing him all season while stripping much of his manhood in the process.  This whole "3pt shooter" thing is just further confirmation that Pau as we once knew him is long gone.  You can blame health.  You can blame system.  However, the bottom line, is that it's been a sad demise to watch....Oh yeah, he is also untradeable now.

Now to Dwight...I hope you are still reading because this primadonna deserves the all the bad press in the world.  I CANNOT BELIEVE how bad this joke is playing.  I tore him apart--his game, his attitude, what he stands for, etc--in my last entry a month ago and I can pretty much copy and paste all of the same things to this entry if I wanted.  Nothing has changed with this piece of sh-t.  It blows my mind how often this guy is either a non-factor or a downright liability.  First off, he can't score in the post...at all.  He loves making moves that put him behind the hoop where it is impossible to score efficiently.  If he doesn't do that when making a move he either gets it stripped on the way up (this has seriously happened 45+ times this season) or gets fouled which is obviously not good.  He isn't coordinated enough to catch on the pick and roll and finish with any type of consistency while on the move.  I believe I saw him travel while trying to execute a fastbreak dunk a few games ago.  He's the most overratedly coordinated big man ever maybe!  Truth be told, when he's in the game, he is the 4th or 5th guy I want touching the ball.  And when he does, I freak out worse than I did in the bad MWP days.  Even worse, Dwight stupidly gets himself into foul trouble practically every game.  Half of his fouls are rookie-ish, useless and ultimately cost him playing time.  For example, against Charlotte, he was on the bench pretty much the majority of the first 3 quarters because he got 2 quick fouls in the 1st, a quick 3rd foul in the 2nd and an immediate 4th foul in the 3rd.  How did he  respond after being relegated to the bench for all of that time?  He picked up his 5th foul :12 into the 4th quarter.  Seriously?  Really?  This guy, by the way, has been in the league for 9 years...not 9 months.

These antics, some selfish and some being the byproduct of him not being any good at basketball have been killing this team.  You know that arrogant dude from the pick-up game that goes completely silent and into "woe is me" mode when things don't go his way? You know him...he gets mad at other people for his mistakes or for their success but does it in a silent-asshole kind of way.  What about that guy that doesn't know how to handle any type of diversity--basketball or not--so instead goes silent and makes everyone around him feel like his failure is their wrong or their fault?  Well, that is Dwight Howard right now.  Instead of meeting this challenge head-on, he'd rather go mute and pick up frustration flagrant fouls and point the finger anywhere but at himself.  Now isn't this the same dude that apparently is so good that he can hold multiple franchises hostage with what he will eventually do?  Isn't this the guy that the whole NBA is supposed to care where he goes?  Isn't this the best defensive player in the league?  Well, right now, all he is is public enemy #1 of this blog.  As my facebook status has said for almost a month now since I saw him lay a complete egg at MSG:  "I think Dwight Howard absolutely stinks.  I hope we don't resign that primadonna.  This status will not change until I think otherwise."  Also....lose the headband dude!  You haven't even earned that!

I can go on forever about this team but having to deal with Dwight makes my head feel like it is about to explode.  I could preview the brutal schedule coming up or complain about how the Lakers insist on getting off to mediocre starts every night or rant about how we are lucky to be 15-16 considering we had miraculous comeback wins vs. Charlotte and G-State (yeah...it took a massive run to beat the Dunlap's boys at Staples).  However, the prime issue here is Pau and Dwight.  It starts and stops with those 14-feet of $38 million over-priced talent.  When they get it together, and only when they get it together, will this team even come close to looking like a contender.


"Groundhog Day.  Bad start.  Playing from behind.  Pau and Dwight grossly underperforming.  The story of the 12-13 Lakers."  ~@DS_Lakers (me).

An Epic and Incriminating Loss

I apologize for the lengthy delay since my last diatribe, but I've been too busy trying to figure this enigmatic team out.  One night, they look like world beaters and the second coming of the 2001 playoff Lakers.  On other nights they actually look like they are running in mud while completely disinterested and downright unwatchable.

(Actually, in the spirit of full disclosure, my first sentence is an absolute lie.  I haven't been writing because thinking about this team and ultimately communicating my thoughts about them makes me nauseous)   

While this bipolarness has been manifesting itself all season if not much of the last decade, it was really typified--and ultimately reached a breaking point--this weekend.  On Friday, the Lakers put on a video game-esque performance in a dominant victory over the Denver Nuggets--a sure-fire Western Conference playoff team.  Life was good.  Everyone was singing Kumbaya.  Everyone was getting their names in the paper.  The Antawn Jamisons and Jodie Meeks of the world finally seemed to be feeling themselves.  It finally seemed like the ship was being righted.  However, on Sunday they backed up the feel-good/potentially transforming performance by being handed an embarrassing loss to a rebuilding project, make-shift squad that is widely agreed upon to be a bottom tier NBA team...Did I mention this happened at home?  Did I mention the Lakers were also staring a stretch of 7 of 8 games being on the road, many against upper echelon team, after this game?  Did I mention that this Dr. Jekyll-Mr. Hyde act had already grown old and frustrating weeks prior to this latest stunt?  Ahh!!!  I can't take it any more.

The Dr. Jekyll Denver Nugget game performance is what we all expected to be close to the norm.  The latter, however, is what needs to be addressed.

In a season already littered by embarrassing defeats, this one buries all of the others.  In fact, this Orlando loss is probably the worst regular season loss in recent memory...and for so many reasons.  I am not exaggerating one bit.  This was an epically bad loss and an absolute indictment on the core character of this team.  The "everything is going to be okay" facade has been completely blown up.  This was such an incriminating display that these guys should be afraid to stand in front of cameras and continue to feed us the same old bullsh-t.  James Worthy--who not only shares a brain with me about this stuff but also nails it just about every time on the postgame show--summed it up perfectly when he said:  "This team has no killer instinct and they are not as good as they think they are.  They are not even being professional athletes in their own building."  Reread that last part:  "They are not even being professional athletes even in their own building."  Yikes.  If that isn't a shot at your character then I don't know what is.

So let's roll down the list as to why this loss goes well beyond "unacceptable."  First, just compare the rosters.  In one corner with home court advantage, your Big 4 boasts  Kobe, Dwight, Pau and a resurgent Metta World Peace.  In the other corner, you have Jameer Nelson, Aaron Afflalo, Big Baby Davis and J. J. Redick leading the troops.  Quality NBA players?  Absolutely.  Worthy of starring in a central role of any team worth a damn in NBA history?  I think not.  Now if the Lakers were 14-2, maybe a Popovich-esque tanking or a law of averages letdown would be forgiveable.  But at 8-8 and violently underachieving, there should be no such thing as a trap game or home game mail-in.  So, how did the Lakers respond to this opportunity to seize some momentum in their season?  You guess it:  No energy.  No urgency.  And as Mike D'Antoni put it:  "No intensity and no purpose."  Consequently, the malaise Lakers let the undermanned Orlando Magic D League Plus squad stick around just long enough for the Nikola Vucevic dunk show to take center stage and send the Lakers to a humiliating, seismic loss.  (Seriously though...that Vucevic 4th quarter was nothing short of incredible.  He was an absolute man-child and somehow made me more frustrated with Pau during the process even though Pau was stapled to the bench at that point).  Watching Vucevic play like a young, in-shape Shawn Kemp while the $100 million Laker roster falls to under .500 on the season is the kind of stuff that questions why I even like this team or take the time to stay up and watch them.

Moving onto the whole Dwight Howard angle of this incriminating, character revealing defeat.  Despite some signs of brilliance recently, I have to be honest and let the world know that I f-cking hate this guy right now.  He may have played in Orlando, have the Superman nickname, miss free throws religiously and even be considered the best center in the NBA, but he is not Shaq...not even close!  When you sift through the bad jokes, annual injuries and non-basketball interests, Shaq was all about winning when he stepped on the court.  This guy Howard seems to be more interested in smiling, laughing and entertaining movie stars than buckling down and winning games.  If  he did really care about winning, he wouldn't laugh after committing horrible goaltending violations at key momentum-swinging moments in a game and then follow it up with a "The Crowd Will Think I'm Cool If I Make This Uncharacteristic 20-foot Jumper" shot immediately after.  Until this happy-go-lucky demeanor changes, this dude is NEVER winning a title.  This Orlando game was layup, a slam dunk, a homerun pitch for him!  It was his first must-win game as a Laker.  The first Dwight is definitely more important than Kobe moment.  And, lucky for him, the opponent was a glorified sparring partner.  If he is really special, he should have woken up that gameday morning thinking:  "There is no way in hell I am losing this game to this franchise."  Similar to Lebron going against the Cavs for the first time, Dwight should have taken the Magic's heart right from the get-go and crushed their hopes and their dreams before the first media timeout.  Instead, in the easiest of all "dare to be great" moments, this guy came out half asleep, disinterested and looking like the West Canaan Coyotes in their one uninspired, strip-club induced loss in Varsity Blues.  And some people still say this guy is a top 5 NBA player?  No way.  His intangibles are scarily flimsy.

Now to the practical side of this loss.  Does this team realize that they are 8-9?  Does this team realize that every team worth a damn is running away from them in the standings and therefore games against Orlando have to be taken care of?  Does this team realize that they will be playing against a tough team and NOT have homecourt advantage in the FIRST round at this rate?  Does this team realize they may be WATCHING the FIRST round at this rate?  Does this team realize that they are under .500 and its almost 25% through the season?  Does this team realize you can only say "it's not time to hit the panic button" so many times before it's too late?  Does this team realize they already played 12 home games vs. 5 road games and surrendering losses to Orlando before a massive road swing--where you are only 1-4--is probably not the way to go?  Does this team realize they are wasting MVP type numbers and effort by Kobe Bryant (the oldest 34 year-old in the world) by not matching his urgency?  Does this team realize Kobe is going to run himself ragged trying to keep them afloat well before they should really need him?  Does this team realize how much I want to jump through the TV and beat all of them up?

Anyone that has followed the Lakers closely the last 10 years knows that this inconsistent energy and lack of urgency is nothing new.  After all, it almost cost them in 2009 when Aaron "Isiah Thomas" Brooks and a depleted Rockets squad took the Lakers to 7 games in the second round (By the way, I was so upset during that series that I said if the Lakers lost game 7 I would stop being a fan...that's close to the physiological feeling that I am feeling right now).  It almost cost them last year when they couldn't close out Denver at home in game 5, got embarrassed at Denver in game 6 and nearly got picked off at home in game 7.  Heck it almost cost them in 2000 when they let Portland back into the series and eventually into the drivers seat of the Western Conference finals.  I know it's part of their too cool/celebrity culture and this was merely a regular season game, but it is starting to get old and potentially disastrous and fatal.

This upcoming road swing--which will be played largely if not entirely without Steve Nash--is an absolute gut-check.  And judging by the body language and harsh messages in the postgame interviews after the Orlando debacle, I think the players may finally realize it.  I hope a coaching change, trade rumors, an embarrassing start and epic loss may finally be enough to wake them up.Will it translate into a run of consistency?  I hope so.  But honestly, I think not.  Why do I think that?  Well...that's a post for a different time.

"Portland can put the champagne away and get out the bottled water....because that's all they're going to be drinking on the way home!"  ~Chick Hearn (in the closing moments of Game 7 2000 WCF)
   

 

      
            

    

The Roster under Mike D

With the D'Antoni era about to begin (I can't believe this is happening), I figured I'd review the first few weeks of the blog, recap the 3-5 start and preview what life is going to be like with Mike D.  But before I really dive into it, I want to offer some food for thought:  If you are ever a GM of a major professional sports franchise and you are going to make a controversial coaching hire, please try your best to make sure the guy you hire doesn't hobble into his introductory press conference on crutches.  It really makes for a pathetic sight as well as visual confirmation that your franchise is off its rocker with its hire.  Watching D'Antoni struggle his way to the presser table might as well have been a punchline.  While I actually think the guy is going to get it done and actually spoke well, most skeptics won't be able to get past the whole crutches thing.  It almost screamed "regret" as loud as that Bobby Petrino press conference when he had to comment on his impending firing AND his alleged affair with a 20-something while wearing a neck brace from his affair-caused motorcycle crash.  

So yesterday was the first time I went back and read each of my first six blog entries in chronological order.  My initial reactions?  Clearly, Mitch Kupchak is an avid reader of Purple and Gold and Silver because I pretty much detailed--in a nice crescendo--what became his public reasoning to fire Mike Brown.  If you still think the Lakers jumped the gun with that decision, go back and read the initial blog entries because I unarguably justify it.  My comments after that Utah loss--the "Groundhog Day" entry--were not only spot on accurate, but also spot on as to where the brains of the Laker brass were at that time.  The thoughts I shared with James Worthy about "enough with the whole process act and this will take time crap" were obviously also shared by the people that actually count in the Laker organization...Once again, another tangible sign that I missed my calling as an NBA front office man.

The fact that Mike D has taken the exact opposite stance as Mike Brown on this whole "process" thing has been my favorite part about the hire so far.  He is immediately talking championship and not hiding from the big picture.  He is simplifying the mission and cutting right to the chase instead of taking the importance of his role in the journey too seriously.  In other words, he realizes he has a stacked group and he is going to stay out of the way.  He is like the anti-Brown and I hope his learning from Brown's mistake is a sign that he will learn from the ones he made in NY.

Without anymore hesitation, I am going to jump into the heart of the situation at hand.  I'm going to quickly roll through the Laker roster, talk about what I have seen and what I think/hope to see under the tutelage of Mike D.  Here goes nothing:

Kobe Bryant:  This guy is unreal.  He is "the reason why I play the game."  (Sidenote:  "the reason why I play the game" is a phrase my brother and I use to typify why we do certain things.  For example, you usually pick an Asian restaurant because of the appetizers or you play a video game strictly for offense and statistics.  So, in other words, the Asian appetizer, stats/offense on video games are "the reason why you play the game."  Translation:  Kobe is the human version of an Asian appetizer).  Probably one of the most annoying parts of the 3-5 start is that we are wasting some great Kobe games.  His efficiency--many times his weakness--has been off the charts.  I expect this to continue under Mike D.  Anyone that doubts him fitting into the new system is a moron.  It's Kobe Bryant.  In his 17-years he's dropped 25-30 or won big in a traditional system, the triangle, the Princeton, with Olympians, with other stars, etc...To think he can't fit into this (or anything else) is just ignorant at this point.  He is the least of the worries.

Dwight Howard:  I am not going to lie here.  I have been underwhelmed by his offensive game and his defensive dominance thus far.  I will give him a pass considering he is fresh off of back surgery, but his ability to clean the glass and finish inside needs to improve big time.  We saw some flashes vs. San Antonio, but he needs to take a major jump...and like right now.  Under Mike D, I see him flourishing because he can run the floor and play pick and roll.  I don't quite see him as Amare because he can't go off the bounce like Stoudemire did in Phoenix, but he will finish tons of plays and, most importantly, start the break with his rebounding and block shots.  This fit is going to be great.

Pau Gasol:  He's been soft.  He's been weak.  He's been the 2008 vs. Boston Pau Gasol thus far.  His jumper seems on, but his physical toughness is just not there.  I feel like I could push him off the block right now and force him into a bad shot and I'm 5'7 175.  Under Mike D, he is the big X factor.  His wide-ranging skill set could make him phenomenal, but I think it's more likely he will struggle to to find his niche.  Having him and Dwight on the floor together will become increasingly awkward and I predict the "Pau for Josh Smith" rumors will grow as the season progresses.  I love Pau, but he's got to figure this out or else...

Steve Nash:  The dude broke his leg.  Call it what you want, but Steve Nash has been out with a broken leg.  Only John Stockton in the 1992 Olympics had a more underratedly broken leg than Nash does now.  I hope, like Stockton, he somehow fully recovers because he may become another Asian appetizer.  I can't wait to watch this guy pick and roll teams to death like he did to us all those years.  His healthy presence alone justifies the D'Antoni hire.  His healthy presence alone justifies the whole "D'Antoni's style is a better fit" argument.  I can't wait to get this guy back.

Metta World Peace:  Since the Brown firing, MWP has been behaving like any student would when a substitute teacher is in charge...he has irrationally shot the ball every single time he has touched it for the past week.  Watching this dude has been a whirlwind of emotions and it's only going to get more crazy with this new system.  I actually expect to see him look a bit better offensively with Mike D and I also expect him to moonlight a little bit as an undersized 4-man.  Expect him to take full advantage of the green light he will be given.  I just hope he doesn't think he can lead the break considering the dude doesn't know how to dribble yet somehow has been in the NBA for 14 years.

Antawn Jamison:  As previously stated, despite the big expectations, this guy has looked more like Laker Mitch Richmond and Knicks Glen Rice than the 17 ppg super-sub we were trying to bring into the mix.  However, I think this Mike D hire might be just what the doctor ordered..."shoot the 3 and rest on D."  Honestly, I think the new system will make Antawn prosper.  He can play multiple positions, score from a variety of areas and handle the ball a bit.

Jodie Meeks:  I can't believe this guy got recruited by Kentucky (although it was by Gillespie), flourished at Kentucky, got drafted by an NBA team, started games for an NBA team, was stolen away by another NBA team and did ALL OF THAT while playing guard AND without knowing how to dribble a basketball.  Stuff like this blows my mind.  The dude flat out cannot dribble...and he has a quick Mike Skrocki-esque (google Mike Skrocki) release.  That's all I have learned about him so far this year.  However, despite being an NBA guard that can't dribble, I think he will be a weapon off the bench for Mike D.  He will have nights when he fills it up...and he will have some other nights when he sucks sh-t and Mike D only plays him one stint.  I'm excited to see what this guy will do.

Jordan Hill:  I love this guy.  Other than Kenneth Faried, Hill may be the best version of this type of guy in the league.  He is an absolute animal with a bottomless pit of energy and uncanny knack for the ball.  I just hope is offensive deficiencies don't keep him off the floor with Mike D.  If they do, that could be a major point of contention between myself and the new coach.  I can't wait to get my #27 Hill jersey soon!!

Steve Blake:  While I haven't been anti-Steve Blake to the core of my whole existence yet this year, I am hoping that the new coach/new system will finally spell the end of Blake getting big minutes for this team.  Despite his best efforts, it has been a series of disappointments for Blake since coming to the Lakers, which in sum have added up to one massive disappointment.  Considering he is a shooter that hasn't consistently made shots in three years, I think the other backup PG options are probably better.

Chris Duhon:  I never liked this guy.  I always thought that he thought that he was cooler than he was.  However, while a NY Knick, he put up some good numbers on a bad D'Antoni squad.  I was at a game once where he had 20+ assists....I swear I was.  If he can push the ball, run the system and knock down 3s for 12 minutes most nights, I will take that over Blake.

Darius Morris:  I've been killing this guy since last year.  And while I agree with Bernie that "he has to take some sugar off of his game", I kind of like what he has given us.  His corner 3s have been pure luck, but his athleticism, pesky on-ball defense and his ability to push the ball has been a bit refreshing to watch.  If he can come in and do that when called upon without breaking the turnover-per-minute record every once in awhile, he may be alright with Mike D.  (Anyway we can trade him and pick up Kevin Anderson....google him too).

Devin Ebanks:  He physically looks like Trevor Ariza out there.  He actually has a versatile skill set that could work wonders in this new system.  Too bad it looks like he may have drank and drove his away out of the organization through all off this recent hoopla.

Robert Sacre:  Like his fellow Gonzaga alum and former Laker Rony Turiaf before him,  this guy can certainly wave a towel!  He can cheer on his teammates with the best of them.  I like watching him on the bench because he cares almost as much as I do.  Sidenote:  no way this guy would have made the team if D'Antoni ran training camp.

Darius Johnson-Odom:  Very left handed...I think.  Scary looking guy.  Bizarro Cuttino Mobley in fast-forward.

Earl Clark:  Couldn't pick him out of a lineup.  No chance he will be relevant at any moment this year beyond being a throw-in in a trade.


Well...there it is.  Let's see how these predictions play out.

"I play because the 37th pick in the draft usually doesn't.  I play for Prime Sports" - Nick Van Exel (1995)   

  

 

  

Moustachio!!!

What a ridiculous roller coaster of events!  On Friday, I'm practically dancing out of work listening to music that was sounding better than it actually was because the Lakers had just fired Mike Brown.  However, on Monday, I'm commuting into work absolutely bewildered over the D'Antoni hiring while wearing headphones that weren't playing anything at all.  In between, I had a nice comfortable weekend with Bernie....Bickerstaff that is.  On a sidenote, I rather enjoyed my weekend with Bernie.  No pressure.  Care-free attitude.  Hilarious press conferences.  In fact, over my weekend with Bernie, I've never been so sure of two wins prior to game time in my life....absolutely stressless.  If only I can always be so sane, confident, and positive.  Thanks Bernie.

Well...now it's back to real life and my mental-case self.  As you may expect, today's mental bout has obviously been trying to convince myself that this Mike D hiring is going to be a good move even though I know full well that it probably isn't.  As I mentioned in my previous post--and I'm paraphrasing here--I live in the wrong city and have the wrong friends for my team to be hiring Mike D'Antoni and me having to defend it.  Nonethelss, I have been trying all day to wrap my brain around the situation and shine a positive light on what is going down.  Personally, I think I've been doing well with this task so far and I'm about to share those thoughts.  However, prior to my attempt at a positive spin, I want to make it perfectly clear that I was 100% behind hiring Phil Jackson.  This whole "Mike D is a better fit for this roster" crap is clearly faulty logic.  Why a team would voluntarily walk away form the "automatic-win" cheat code for a coach is beyond me.  Well...the Lakers did.  So lucky for me I have more stuff to be mental about.  (Sidenote:  I think I like having to worry about crap like this.  As great as Phil was for us, there is something about this struggle that I'm kind of enjoying....well at least kind of enjoying now that Mike Brown has been eliminated from the equation).

Okay...here goes my "glass is half full" take...

First off, and most importantly, had I been told last week that I would be trading Mike Brown away for Mike D'Antoni, I think I would have been really psyched.  As difficult as it may be, I have to try my hardest to not let the Phil Jackson flirtation get in the way of this reality.  Bottom line, Mike Brown is gone and fresh air is in. 

Secondly, you can't say D'Antoni is a bad fit when Steve Nash is the point guard.  Together, the two won 73% of their games and NEVER had offensive or defensive talent around them like they do now.  If it wasn't for an untimely Nash bloody nose or a ridiculous leaving the bench penalty in San Antonio, Nash and Mike D would have found themselves in the finals.  Now, Dwight Howard will be a better version of Amar'e, Pau a better version of Diaw and Kobe will simply be Kobe.  Role players like Jodie Meeks and Antawn Jamison--that looked to be headed for the abyss--now will have their offensive talents tapped.  Heck, even Chris Duhon has proven he can be an effective player in this system (and it might finally mean Blake will be relegated to bench warmer).  Defensively?  Well, I guess I can pray that the defense is better than what Mike D had in New York.  Hopefully, we bring in Nate McMillan to coordinate that situation and Dwight and Metta can finally earn their reputation and hold it down.  My wishful thinking tells me that Mike D's more enjoyable style of play will pick up the energy all the way around which will translate to a better defensive effort.  Even though this thought is probably completely jaded, bogus and desperate, the defense can't be much worse than what it was under Brown in his last 20 games.

Finally, I'm excited about the new energy Mike D's system will bring.  For 2+ years, I feel like the Lakers have been playing a slow, painful, uphill pace that has drained both the players and me.  It was a tired, stubborn, sluggish act that--even under Phil--lacked urgency, purpose and enthusiasm way too often.  Our lethargic, loaming style allowed opponents (even the Sacramento's of the word) to dictate the action and take it to us more often than not.  Simply put, the Lakers didn't seem to have fun playing the past few years and it finally came to a head..  Now, enter D'Antoni and something new, exciting and entertaining.  His style is the antithesis of what has driven me absolutely nuts the past few years.  The games will be more exciting and, more importantly, played the way the Lakers want it played.  Personally, this aspect of the coaching change is what I'm looking forward to the most.  If we are going to go down, let's do it swinging and on our terms.

Well...that's it.  That's the positive side of hiring an also-ran versus hiring an 11-time champion who knows the key players, is famliar with the franchise and has a proven championship system.  Now all I need is for James Worthy--now the studio guy for Laker coverage on TWC SportsNet--to realize that it's Mike D'Antoni and not D'Antonio.  That's like the dad on "Teen Wolf" pronouncing "wolf" as "woof."  Curious casting job there, huh?

The Door is Closed,
Sedale Threatt

          
 

You Can Close The Book On Brown...Thank God

It’s pretty fitting that my first upbeat blog-post is a reaction to the removal of Mike Brown—the very person whose incompetence motivated me to start this thing.  Let’s just say I had a bounce to my step coming home from work today because there is no better way to kick off a weekend then Mike Brown getting the ax.  I was pretty much sprint-dancing my way to the subway listening to Stevie Wonder because I was so into the fact that this guy got relieved of his duties.  I know that sounds harsh, but his loss is my gain.  Thanks to this, I finally know the giddiness and unrivaled excitement non-Jewish children feel when they wake up on Christmas morning.

So…the Mike Brown era...We should have known this marriage between Brown and the gold-standard Laker franchise was cursed when the guy immediately hired John Kuester as his top assistant.  John Kuester?  Seriously?  Forget Kuester’s basketball merits or his background.  Bottom line is you aren’t winning with the likes of a mediocre and recycled John Kuester sitting on your bench.  It know it seems like a minute detail, but it speaks volumes.  The guy reeks of “lame-duck” and is about as non-Laker basketball as I can possibly think of.  Put it this way.  Kuester is pretty much the NBA’s answer to Mike Mularkey.  Brown followed that up with the hiring of Quinn Snyder and all of the sudden our bench looked very Toronto Raptorish while our roster still boasted championship potential.   I just didn’t get it.  It was like MJ wearing #45 or Emmitt Smith on the Cardinals.  Something just seemed totally off.   Add the lockout weirdness and it was like Bizarro Laker Land….almost like the off-shoot 1985 from Back to the Future 2.  It just wasn’t right.  I can’t really explain it beyond that.

Well…that last paragraph was just me nit-picking at random little stuff that I believe goes a long way and carries influence.  Now to some actual non-Danny Silverish things we’d all agree upon.  I learned in Leadership Class 101 (also known as what we call common sense) that when a leader has a group of followers who are unaccomplished novices or simply “not ready” is the ideal time for a leader to step-in, put his stamp on things, heavily involve themselves in the process and clearly guide the tasks at hand (see:  overachieving Jerry Sloan Utah squads, early Belicheck New England years, classic John Beilein cinderella NCAA teams).  Conversely, when a leader has a group of accomplished followers, familiar with success and simply primed to get it done is when the leader should do his best to stay the f-ck out and not mess things up (see:  Phil Jackson, John Calipari, Joe Torre).  Well guys…Mike Brown blew this one.  Kobe, Pau, Nash, Dwight, Metta….there is no room there for an unspectacular Mike Brown of all people to be the strongest influence.  With a roster primed for major success with only some minor laissez faire tinkering needed, he tried to re-create the wheel and put his stamp on this thing.  That’s what you’d like to call poor judgment….or better yet…what you would call a jaded sense of self-importance…or even better yet…one over thinking to the point they lose control.  Just simply a bad match all the way around.

And on top of all of that…I hated this guy’s voice!  His whole elongated pronunciation thing he has going on was not only non-Lakerlike but also down right annoying.  You know the whole “Weeelll….agaaaaiiinnn….on the deefeeensssiiiive eeeennnnd of the floooor we didn’t giiivee the multiple eeeefffooorttts….but ahhhhttt the eeeennnnddd offfff the daaaayyyy…..iiiitttss aaahhh prooocccessss….aaannnd I liiiikkke wheeeerrreee weeeee’rrree heeeaaadddeeed.”   Guess what dude.  It is the end of your day and you’re headed to NBA Coaching Purgatory. Ugh.  Imagine getting drummed by Utah in Salt Lake and having to go back to the locker room and listen to that guy.

So let’s quickly look forward to what can shake out in the wake of this totally justified firing.  Here are my shotgun thoughts on some of the names that have been thrown out there (both by legitimate sources and by my friends) in the first hours since Brown was shown the door:

• Phil Jackson:  This would be too good to be true.  He is like getting a cheat code on a video game.  This roster—super talented, super old and super unathletic—is perfect for the Zen Master.  I’d sign for it right now.
• Jerry Sloan:  I love the guy.  I think he is a great coach.  However, his grind it out/blue-collar mentality just isn’t a fit for this roster or that city.  Nonetheless, if we hire him I can convince myself it was a good hire.
• Brian Shaw:  I don’t think he has a shot at the job, but I know the players would love him.  However, someone without Head Coaching experience is not the right fit at this point.
• Mike D’Antoni:  For the love of God….please NO!  Living in NYC and all of my friends being Knick fans, I don’t think I could handle it.  For my sake this is the worst possible hire.  For the Lakers sake it is only slightly better.  His system would not be great for this aging squad.  Laker brass, for my sake please doesn’t make me defend this decision!!!
• Nate McMillan:  While I like him better than Mike Brown, there is too much of a Mike Brown-ish/unproven/lame-duck/recycled coach quality that I just can’t agree with.  This would be interesting but ultimately a mistake.  No way he is raising the Larry O’Brien in June.  He got fired and replaced by Caleb Canales and ultimately Terry Stotts.  Enough said.

Well folks…you can close the book on Mike Brown.  What did we learn from his stint?  For starters, I share a brain with Mitch Kupchack whose press-conference quotes echoed many of my own (http://www.nba.com/lakers/features/121109kupchak-coaching-change).  Secondly, you can never hire a guy who looks like he has constant sleep apnea.  Thirdly, never ever dismiss the value of what you see in preseason.  Lastly, Kobe can have someone fired by merely staring at them (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJUhMvB1P3A).

I never thought I’d say this, but I am ecstatic to see BERNIE BICKERSTAFF pacing the sidelines tonight guiding the Purple and Gold.  Yup.  I just typed that.

The Butter’s Getting’ Hard,

Sean Rooks

Groundhog Day...

Sorry about no post-win blog, but I didn't think my first victorious post was warranted after the drumming of a Pistons squad that seemed to pretty much make the trip to LA for In & Out Burger.  Instead, I wanted to wait and see how we followed up that dominant performance.  I felt Utah's Energy Solutions arena (aka what I still call the Delta Center) would be the perfect place to really take the temperature of this team rather than a home game vs. Jonas Jerebko and the boys.  For the last 25 years, even our championship squads have been embarrassed in Utah so I was curious as to how this new team--coming in with some momentum--would respond to the adversity, especially with a fan-base freshly infuriated after Romney's loss.  Well....my questions were certainly answered....and similar to our response to Portland, let's just say this wasn't pretty.  You guessed it.....here comes the rant!

 I agree with James Worthy.  Enough with the "We'll be okay" act.....because this is NOT okay.  There are some serious inexcusable trends building here.  Passionless play.  Limited hustle.  Minimal improvement.  And the opponents are sniffing it out and going in for what has become surprisingly easy kill shots.  B+/B quality NBA perimeter players like Mo Williams, Wesley Matthews, and Darren Collison have been running circles around us making plays we haven't seen a Laker guard not named Kobe make in who knows how long!

Despite these ugly realities, we keep hearing the same song..."It will take time.  Be patient.  It's a process."  Wasn't this a win-now operation??  Instead it's been an embarrassment and futile.  Do you think OKC or San Antonio will even come close to losing 4 of 5 at any point this year?  Meanwhile, we're getting pasted in wire-to-wire losses?  Where is the fight?  Where are the adjustments?  It's been the same movie over and over again since the Denver series.  With this talent, would it be so tough to put together one run that the other team can't respond to?  How about getting off to a good start?  How about having a lead when the bench comes in?

A couple of issues with the bench....which again is the worst in the NBA.  First and most importantly...I love Jordan Hill.  He is winning the "What random Laker role player jersey should I get" contest by a landslide.  Secondly, Antawn Jamison has to be kidding me with his performance thus far.  If I have to hear about last year's 17 ppg one more time I'm going to flip out (again).  Instead he is Laker Mitch Richmond and Knick Glen Rice reincarnated.  Why did we think he'd be such a good fit?  Even the Laker-haters thought he'd be great for us.  Instead, he's another un-athletic old dude....not the young perimeter athlete/shooter that other teams have off the bench that torch us on a nightly basis (see:  Foye, Beaubois, Bledsoe, etc).  We actually have a guy in Jodie Meeks with at least some potential to do Foye-ish (I like this term and will continue to use it) things, but Mike Brown refuses to play him....which boggles my mind.  Meeks an athletic player who can shoot and we are an unathletic team with no shooters....but the guy doesn't play.  Go figure.  Lastly (and I don't even have time to get into Darius Morris), can we please put some blame on Mike Brown for the astonishingly awful bench play??  Is it the most talented group?  No.  But at some point a coach has to do his job and right some of these wrongs......and Metta as the backup 2 aint the answer.

Finally (here is my anti-Mike Brown paragraph), I am not necessarily sure that Mike Brown is more responsible than the ineffective/effortless players for the 1-4 start.  But I do know that the players aren't getting the job done under his watch.  These losses--which feel like groundhog day each time they manifest themselves--wreak of a team full of non-championship qualities.  That sequence where Devin Ebanks passed it out of bounds because Pau thought he was going to shoot AND THEN the players walked back on defense and Utah inbounded the ball and got a fast break dunk while the Lakers weren't paying attention was a microcosm of what is going on with this team (yeah that play actually happened).  And the worst part is that this train is moving in the wrong direction.  Watching Al Jefferson get about 5 wide-open elbow jumpers in the 4th quarter last night to finish off the Lakers--who were trying to come back--spoke volumes as to where this team is at.  We looked like a team who either lacks confidence in their leader, lacks confidence in their plan or lacks confidence in each other or all of the above. 

With this team, all I can think about right now is what a tall order it would be to win consecutive games let alone put together a streak of good ball.  Getting consecutive stops has been hard enough.  I hope this all changes vs. Golden State on Friday.  A loss versus a perennial Western Conference bottom-dweller at Staples could cause some major drama.

And the jello's jigglin',
Anthony Peeler (we could use him right now)



     

Ugly, Awful & Agonizing

Prior to the Clipper game I was actually feeling pretty good….I had the whole “we can’t get any worse so things will turn up” attitude and I was pretty confident the team would come out and play well against a rival.  I was texting my brother that I felt good about the game and I was even convincing myself that having Steve Blake as the starter would maybe settle things down and make the offense run smoothly and all of this other hopeful junk.  As you can tell, I was desperately grabbing for something positive because I’m aware that, after the Portland debacle, my mood and this blog was pretty negative and neurotic.  Well…after the Portland debacle, Kobe publically told me to “shut up” and one of my readers mockingly claimed that complaining about the Lakers is “like rich dudes complaining they had to sit window in first class.”  Taking both of these comments to heart, I was really looking forward to changing the tone and writing something positive. 

Well…that’s not going to happen here.  The losing result, the ugliness and the frustration still remain and are now multiplying.  Performances like these are why I am bald.  Not even changing venues from my couch (the scene of the first 2 losses) to a bar in Manhattan could turn the luck around. 

This latest embarrassment at the hands of the Clippers just showed that whatever progress we are making is happening too slowly.  (Side note:  Why is this process taking so frustratingly long when it has taken 2 days for James Harden to mesh with the Rockets?).  Even worse, watching these games is absolutely agonizing.  It’s like we are constantly playing uphill.  It seems that every time down the floor, our opponent gets whatever shot they want without much effort.  Sure…sometimes we make them take a little longer to get it, but inevitably they get the ball into a sweet spot…even if there is only one sweet spot to be had.  On the other hand, when we are on offense, we seem to work SO much harder to get a shot that, many times, isn’t at all what we want.  Translation:  we stink.  Also, is it me or have we been down by 8-12 points all season so far?  And then when we finally work for a few minutes to get it to less than 5, we implode and it gets back to double digits almost immediately.  This is what happened against OKC in the playoffs and this is what is continuing to happen now.  Progress?  I think not. 

Before I sign off I want to stop the random, abstract bitching and actually quickly bitch about a few real personnel issues that will be very relevant in the coming week:

• Backup point guard:  With Nash out for at least a week and with Steve Blake starting, are we really going to throw Darius Morris out there for 12 minutes a night?  The guy absolutely stinks and we have no shot to seize any momentum when this guy is running the show.  There is actually a 95% chance the other team will go on a massive run during his stints.  Brown opting for him over Duhon last night was a clear mistake.  He better not make it again. (When he checks into the game on Sunday just remember this paragraph).
• Jodie Meeks:  Wasn’t this guy supposed to be a premiere bench scorer for us?  Why isn’t he seeing any minutes?  He was supposed to be our sneaky good pickup that could fill it up and provide some youthful exuberance.  Let’s give the dude a shot.  He looks cool too.  (Side note: Meeks is the exact kind of guy that would torch us for 20+ and hit momentum 3s if he played for someone else).
• Big Minutes:  It’s probably not a good thing that Kobe is playing 43 minutes on one foot in early November.  To me, that just wreaks of Mike Brown panicking and feeling the heat.  I don’t know…just saying.

Well folks…since being up 3-1 on Denver in the 1^st round of the playoffs we are now 2-17 (including the meaningless preseason that obviously meant something by carrying into the regular season).  I don’t know how much more of Mike Brown’s annoying coach-speak and facial expressions I can take without any progress being made.  Please please please let us get a win on Sunday at home vs. Detroit (reread that last sentence…that’s what this has come to).  I am not confident at all...maybe because it is an absolute lock that Rodney Stuckey and/or Brandon Knight will have a career game against us. (Aaron Brooks Effect)

The Eggs Are Coolin,

Elden Campbell